| Napoleon's Boney Parts | |
|---|---|
| Oz episode | |
| Episode No. | Season 3, Episode 2, # 18 |
| Directed by | Matt Dillon |
| Written by | Tom Fontana |
| Original Air Date | July 21, 1999 |
| Episode Guide | |
| Previous The Truth and Nothing But... |
Next Legs |
"Napoleon's Boney Parts" is the second episode of the third season and the eighteenth overall episode of the HBO television series Oz. Written by Tom Fontana and directed by Matt Dillon, it originally aired on July 21, 1999.
Plot[]
Narrations[]
Napoleon Bonaparte. A poor Italian boy who grew up to be the emperor of the French, and almost the whole world. Well, maybe "grew up" is the wrong way to say it, since he was never taller than 5'2". But you don't have to be a big man, to make a big difference.
Napoleon once said that men are more easily governed by their vices than their virtues. He also said: "There is only one step from the sublime to the ridiculous". Napoleon must of known Tim McManus.
Our man Napoleon conquered a lot of places, created a lot of laws that we still use today, he made his mark on history. And what does he get for it? They name a dessert after him. They named a beef after Wellington. Fucking Caesar got a salad. But Napoleon? He's on the tray with sweets, next to the creme broulee.
Napoleon was a great seducer of beautiful and taller women. He once said: "In war, as in love, one must meet in close quarters to get things over with." There ain't no closer quarters than in Oz, baby.
Napoleon's final defeat came at Waterloo. Must've been embarrassing. You're the fucking emperor. You conquered all of Europe, only to lose in a place with a stupid name like Waterloo. Or Watergate, or Whitewater. Note to politicians: stay on land.
History tells us that Napoleon was the first guy to utter: "If you want something done right, do it yourself." But how can we be sure? I mean, what if old Napoleon's butcher said it to him, while slicing up some salami, and Napoleon, being no dummy, said "I gotta write that down"?
When Napoleon died in exile, the doctors cut off his dick. They put his dick in an ornate box and gave it to his priest. Don't ask me why. Over the years, Napoleon's dick was sold and sold again to the highest bidder. To this day, at least three people claim to own Napoleon's dick. But you see, it's not important who owns the real dick. The big question is, well, who the fuck do those other two dicks belong to?
Deceased[]
Mr. Ciancimino (flashback)- Throat slashed by Malcolm Coyle
Mrs. Ciancimino (flashback)- Raped and throat slashed by Malcolm Coyle
Ciancimino child (flashback)- Stabbed by Malcolm Coyle
Ciancimino infant (flashback)- Stabbed by Malcolm Coyle
Ciancimino grandmother (flashback)- Stabbed by Malcolm Coyle
Mrs. Wittlesey- Died through natural causes
Crime flashbacks[]
Malcolm Coyle- Murdered Ciancimino family in home